mourning

6 april 1988 – † 22 march 2008

today, six years ago stiaan turned sheet white on the stairs to his room when he heard the news. we were all stunned. to the gut. silent. no words.

she was on a visit to zambia, just before her 20th birthday. the car hit a pothole and overturned. her life stopped. we all stopped. time stopped. nothingness.

the holiday turned to a holy day when she met eternity.

for the next week we witnessed family, friends, colleagues, students streaming to the house. all shocked. how could someone who was so full of life be gone? why? we were left with more questions than answers. at least, i was.

then agony, in slow motion. waiting. her suitcase arrived home. we looked into the bloodshed eyes of her friend who was also in the car. choking in his silence and anguish. he only had pictures of the car. and the memories. more telephone calls. wait stretched long, day after day… finally the message came. they went to her on the airport.

the final fare well followed in a hall in zaventem. streams of people. bunches of white flowers. a goodbye to this pretty student who wanted to be a doctor in africa. she died where she wanted to live.

now her silver flute and sketchbook is on the table next to the long white candle in their dining room. still a part of their every day.

the family mourns. we cry. they talk. we talk. they remember. we remember…

the smiles. the funny faces. the clown. the babysitter. the student pacing up and down reciting some work before an exam. the youth worker. the volunteer dressed in a sari at a poor hospital in india.

the family will never be the same. jan piet and heddy, our friends are not the same. broken people not ashamed to allow tears and time. healing? i don’t know. a scar, yes. still trusting God, living his goodness, calling others to see, wearing compassion and mercy like a robe. limping…

and now she smiles at us from the glass pane on her grave – it is only but a thin divide to the other life, her life song singing to us about life, about hope.

i never sent a card or a message. words could not express.

i walked head-on into the overwhelming bigness of our God. no understanding. no words. just an invitation to walk on with him…