broke

Spent hours reading the book. (I have other books to read.)
Listened to five hours of teaching on the subject while preparing meals, having meals, relaxing with a cup of tea, working out, doing the laundry, doing the dishes.
Baked the cookies for the coffee break.
Baked the dessert for one of the meals. (Believe it or not, it flopped. I had to bake another.)
The topic of the weekend-away for leaders was doodling in the back of my mind.

Then it happened.
She developed a fever. and we did not sleep. She did not go to school- this dear treasure of ours.
And I knew it.
All dressed up and nowhere to go.
I will have to stay home!
The preacher will take the dessert and his clothes and the toilet paper and catch a ride with one of the others.
Of course I was disappointed.
I will only see the pretty house with the cows in the stable on the pictures he will take for me. And I will hear about the discussions.

And then she did not tell me. The dark stain on the couch did. She wet her pants. The second-dessert dishes were patient in the kitchen. Still to be washed.

My heart broke…
As they will be discussing what our church should look like in the future, I will do dishes, wash the couch, walk the dog, make sure the ill little girl take in enough fluids, wipe a snotty nose.
They will talk about change, adapting, sacrificing to make others feel welcome.
And I was living it – staying. Cleaning. Comforting a little girl with a fever.

Why my heart broke?
The needy is right next to me.
Am I willing for sacrifice and loss to make others feel welcome?