Journal 2013

Remember

Remember

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Coffee with frothy milk, pretty serviettes and the delicatessen neatly sliced into smaller pieces because we’re all keeping an eye on the lines.

We had coffee on her orange embassey couch like we have every Wednesday morning. Time for coffee and sharing the joys and sorrows of everyday life. And time to ask for wisdom from Someone so good.

She sent me home with a goodie bag and a card to match because we celebrated the upcoming birthday. My precious girl friends!

The card calls me to remember. I share this ‘remember’ with you. Ten things.

  • He loves me. (Jeremiah 31:3 – God told them, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!” – The Message)
  • He delights in me. (Zephaniah 3:17 – He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. – NIV)
  • He is with me. (Joshua 1:9 – Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. – NIV)
  • He gives me rest. (Matthew 11:28-30 – Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. – The Message)
  • He speaks to me. (Jeremiah 33:3 – Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own. – The Message)
  • He leads me. (Isaiah 58:11 – I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places — firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. – The Message)
  • He goes before me. (Deuteronomy 31:8 – God is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry. – The Message)
  • He strengthens me. (Isaiah 41:10 – Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. – The Message)
  • He provides for me. (1 Timothy 6:17 – Tell those rich in this world’s wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. – The Message)
  • He blesses me. (Deuteronomy 7:13 – He will love you, he will bless you, he will increase you. He will bless the babies from your womb and the harvest of grain, new wine, and oil from your fields; he’ll bless the calves from your herds and lambs from your flocks in the country he promised your ancestors that he’d give you. –
    The Message)
facebook

facebook

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(ek’s bly ons stap saam, liewe vriende. die konsep was net, oorweldigend!)

1993.
harvard.
mark zuckerberg speel
mark zuckerberg lag
hulle lag
foto langs foto
nog lag.
probeer…
vroeë oggendure
dit begin…

1994.

facebook.
dit gons!
van noord tot suid, oos tot wes
almal vra
is jy op, is jy op?
kan ek jou vriend wees?
‘like’ jy?

hulle lag.

almal is vriende.
almal het baie vriende.
almal wil my vriend wees
soos een met baie geld.

fotos, mure, clips, timeline…

nóóit meer eensaam!

ken my van geboorte tot nageslag.

dit tweet en dit twitter en dit twitter en dit tweet
vergaderings word gereël
afsprake word gemaak
persoonlike boodskappe
ou kenisse word opgespoor…
haai, is dit hoe sy nou lyk?

‘kliek’ en jy’s my vriend.
‘kliek’ en jy’t nog ‘n vriend by.

roddelparadys…
vriende verdwyn met ‘n ‘kliek’
romanse begin met ‘n ‘kliek’.

eensaam.

vriende staan op teen gesag
vriende mars saam
vriende sterf.
dis donker, dis lente.

en ek?
net nog iets om te polish
ek bly weg.

en dan
een aand,
password.
login.

en skielik het ek baie vriende en almal wil vriende wees en almal soek dan nou ‘n foto
sou sweer geld is my naam
en bedelaars kan lees
hulle storm om te vra, glimlag
nader en nog nader…
mail na mail na mail
is ek dan nou ‘n celebrity omdat ek so baie ken?

maar ken ek hulle regtig?

waar was hulle toe pen en papier tyd vra
geen tweet en geen twitter
gewoon praat en vra hoe gaan dit dan nou?

stop.

sit af.

ek loop weg.

miskien môre…

mark zuckerberg,
miljoener,
celebrity,
man van die jaar
en skielik het hy baie vriende.
hulle kan geld lees!
het sy lente gekom?
is hy eensaam?
wonder ek.

n.s.

ek moet nog polish!

60-word fiction

60-word fiction

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(saw this in a magazine. ‘60-word fiction’. gave it a shot…)

he picked her up as planned.
a call on his mobile confirmed some mysterious arrangement.
just then, a small airstrip with plane and pilot appeared.
heart pounding, they soared into the clouds. where was he taking her?
minutes later she edged closer, peering through the window. in total disbelief she giggled. the airstrip far below read:
‘will you marry me?’

 

word count: 60

net tien minute

net tien minute

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skryf annerie toe vir my –

nie net wens nie
sit daai pen op papier
en dit sal kom
stippies
strepies
letters
gedagtedruppels
word woorde
vloei
sinne
in ‘n gedagtevlug
en voor jy weet
is wens onnodig
want, sien
jy dig!

skryf daai moeg uit jou uit
10 minute elke dag

en ek skryf terug –

daar’s dit weer
daai woorde
net tien minute elke dag, net tien minute elke… net tien minute…

êrens bly dit ’n inkblaps op my papier
kan dit nie uitvee nie, kan dit nie ignoreer nie
want sien,
my siel brand vuur
borrel en kolk en spat en wil-wil oorloop, lawa
lawa wat brand en voortstroom.

die kop skarrel
die gees sing
vir die pen op papier
maar ai
daar’s die ewige stryd ook weer
verskonings, mense, werk, urgent, important, tyd

en
tyd stap aan

en
ek skryf nie

en
ek crave

en
daar’s maerte in my siel.

en sy skryf terug –

spat spat
spartel spartel
spook spook
spoeg spoeg
stoom stoom
…
stroom!

lava

vloei
voort
vlug
vinniger
vlinder
…
vry!

lawe

siel
versadigd

dink jou dink
in ink

10 sielsnodige minute
soos daaglikse brood

lewe!

stilte

stilte

0

dinsdag 17 september sal dit ‘n jaar wees.
en dis nog steeds, ‘dit kan nie!’
ons mis haar.

stilte

deesdae se bekende stilte
is vandag ‘n donker vreemdeling
‘n ongenooide gas!
wat kom indring in elke
hoekie
draaitjie, gaatjie
vertrek
sitplek
bakkie
beker
glas
kas
tot in die tuin

ek mis die
draai van jou stoel bokant my kamerplafon
die versit van jou voete op die trappie voor jou rekenaar
die vinnige vryf van jou hande wat eindig in opgewonde klappies
die kraak op die trap wat sê jy kom
jou voetval
jou lag
jou stem
jou roep
maar bo alles
jou neurie
jou lied
jou sing
jou sing
jou altyd sing
…
mari, ek mis jóú!

(geplaas met toestemming van annerie)

what if i were the only one

what if i were the only one

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teacher-man is in south africa to support and encourage and help and sow seeds of hope.
and i’m at home to support and encourage and help and sow seeds of hope
and work…

between children, taking care of the farmyard, enjoying friends, keeping up with the work, keeping friends informed via e-mail, shedding excess weight, chores around the house, killing snails (yes, i do not like these slimy creatures chewing away on my precious plants) and… oh, why do we recount what we do everyday? battle to keep up with all the demands on our time and energy. and there’s only two dozen hours. all those interruptions!

i just don’t keep up!

maybe, just maybe joseph stalin had the solution: “when there’s a person, there’s a problem. when there’s no person, there’s no problem.” i just indulged into this idea… when there’s a person, there’s an interruption; when there’s no person, there’s no interruption. great!

but, truth is

no person, no pleasant surprise
no person, no unexpected bounty
no person, no help
no person, no encouragement
no person, no friend
no people, no sharing
no person, no connecting
no person, no fellowship
no person, no family
no person, no identity
no person, no inheritance
no person, no real sense of being
no person, no love
no person, no lesson to learn
no person, no story to tell
no person, no development
no person, no purpose in life.

so, i can choose to work (for whom and what?) without interruptions and be the.only.one.

teacher-man nailed it, as always: “by allowing others to love you enough through those interruptions, you’re allowed to love yourself just a little more.”

so, i choose the grace of interruptions to receive love and to give a little love.

what to do when the sun shines

what to do when the sun shines

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Our part of the world, the sun is shy.

I love the gray, the clouds, the gentle rain, the misty mornings… But the family longs for the sun to be like a toddler refusing to go to bed (like someone said). Makes them Africa-sick.

But when the sun laughs,

the neighbours –
smile
wash cars
clean windows
wear sunglasses
hang duvets from the windows
put tables and chairs out on street corners
bathe (the ladies) on park lawns in anything from orange to purple bras during lunch break.

But when the sun laughs,

we –
change schedule if at all possible
(the Teacher-man) goes for a long run
have tea and lunch in the garden
dry laundry outside to smell sun in the clothes
go for a bike ride, Little Lady in her trailer
cycle (me) to my friend for coffee in her garden and a talk to the Maker of the sun
get hands covered in earth, planting and weeding
meander along footpaths with Bella and Little Lady

But when the sun laughs,

we –
laugh. live. say thank you.

between friends

between friends

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They are friends and communicate often. Two very different creatures they are, but connecting.
This one (unedited) was about him, waking up and soon on his way to work and her, visiting grandma, a little bored, I suspect.

S: Maatjie ek is alive

K: Lol… were you dying…?

S: Slowly but surely into a place of nothingness and blackness with the hopeful light of grey from time to time and the ever ongoing promise of painful lungs…

K: good morning my fellow peasant. My morning travels to great oak – finding you a cure for this conserning matter has set me to embark in a dark journey. My first quest was teaching old pink faithfull to fly – heavy as elephants are, we did have success… so now for a days good rest and then tomorrow…

S: i fear that may be 2 late… i have to embark on my very own dark quest shortly… There will be boats, cactusses, flying horses and weird mythology and it will all take place in a small spit of gravel…

K: do not fear for you art a brave warrior who has defeated sir blue pancake – such an example for all of your faithful followers. dear knight the answers you seek are deeply hidden in your… pink flower sock

 

P.S. Thank you precious Creatures for letting us in…

for the boston runners

for the boston runners

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The early morning news said it – about Boston last night, about the oldest marathon race in the world, about the finish line, about the explosion, about the panic, about death, about another blast, about losing limbs…

After our young lady went off to school, the three of us went for a run in the forest. Me, just shedding winter excess, Bella for fun and him, training for the upcoming Brussels 20 km end of May. Another famous road race with thousands of enthusiasts anticipating the finish line…

I did not particularly felt like running this morning.

Side stepping mud after the rain, hopping over roots, ducking pregnant branches (yes, spring is here!) the forest in, we went. Birds cheered, squirrels darted off.

This morning

I ran for all those who might have had their final race yesterday, for those who might only look on next time and remember the blood spattering finish…

This morning

I ran for the real heroes who will aim for another finish line, a life marathon of courage, perseverance, acceptance and hope. They did not train for it, nor register. Someone blasted them in. We will cheer them on, even if they do not reach the finish line.

what to do when the burden is checked in

what to do when the burden is checked in

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and here we are again, suitcase open, making choices.
what goes in, what stays.
clothes mended, washed, ironed, and folded up.
emergency medicine in case of indigestion, migraine, runny tummy. saves embarrassment when you do not understand the language!
we are off to the airport, suitcase weighing not more than the set 23 kg and the hand luggage just right.
ticket and passport checked.
the destination sticker stuck on and we watch the suitcase on the rubber band move through flaps, and then gone.

my suitcase has a good handle and wheels. mostly too heavy and still difficult to carry, is this burden of mine. had it since the young man was born, i think. i took full responsibility for teaching and training, loving, helping, directing and making sure he’s facing the right direction. but it turned out the opposite. free will, it is called. the gift.

i know the airport and actually like being there watching all the people and wondering about their stories.

so this time, once again, my suitcase became heavy, too heavy. i’ve put it on the rubber band, labelled it for the true destination and sent it off. i was free to walk away and go have coffee. i know, i’ve done this so often – sent it off, freed and walked away; sent if off, freed and walked away…

BUT why am i finding this suitcase with me again and again, never reaching the destination? why do i pull it off the band before it disappears?and how am i to walk on, live on, breathe on without it?

we go have coffee and the little lady is excited about all the people and the biscuit with the coffee.
we wait for the goodbye and the departure of the teacher-man.

 

is it that i do not trust the system to get it there safely and without damage? is it that i do not want the destination? am i sending it to the wrong destination?

the suitcase will be at Vilnius, Lithuania, the destination.

i think i only have to know that i’ve packed the suitcase with great care, love and commitment – as good as i could ever do. there comes a time that i have to close the lid, lock it and put it on the scale. even wrapping it in plastic like the suitcases going to africa. i know where it is heading and that the destination is so right. i now have to trust the system that it will arrive there however long the flight takes. trust the flight not to be high jacked, shot down, go down in a storm or due to human error and times later, when i am to arrive at the destination and wait at the luggage claim area, that the suitcase will be there, undamaged with all its content in its full glory.

so, i have to take every step to go.and.have.coffee.
every step of risking, trusting, knowing – but freedom. choosing not to look back. knowing that this system is proven to be the best of its kind, functioning perfectly. so every step i take away from the check in point is a choice of giving just one more step, direction coffee shop – freedom. a choice.

it does not happen automatically.

i want to just make sure again…

but NO, it is labelled and checked in. it will be ok. i have to willfully give a step, and another and another addressing my fears, my anxiety, going the opposite direction until i smell the coffee. until i’m swallowed up by the joy of the young lady enjoying biscuits – crumbling, drooling, chewing, smiling, greeting everyone. until i love this one moment of grace.

of cause i know the end result is guaranteed. he will be at the true destination, in his full glory. the full price is paid.

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